You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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