LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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