If i could tip my vagina, i would.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
