dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
