omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
