That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
