There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
