I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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