So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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