I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
