i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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