awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
