Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
They took my balls.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize