OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
