ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
