I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
