So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
