she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
