You were right. It hurts to walk today.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
