we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
