I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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