The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
