guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
im having a threesome with these popsicles
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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