You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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