I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
