dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
