i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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