I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
