Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
