I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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