apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I need water and some morals
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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