How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
