after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
