I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
