found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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