Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
