Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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