i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
