Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
