Joe is yelling at the trees again.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
