Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
