You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
