Do vagina's smell?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
