Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
