I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
