Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize