i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
