I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
