i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
