He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
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