dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
