man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Vodka?
Forever.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize