So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
