i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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