After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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