Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize