he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
