May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize