im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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