Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
