We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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