we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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