I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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