i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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