I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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