I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
