She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
