I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
