Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
