I'm really into asian looking animals
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
