3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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