If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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