my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
