You just made me feel so damn special
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
