just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
