i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
