she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
A bitchslap is in order.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
