I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
