after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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