I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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