Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My vagina is officially offended.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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