Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
she smelled like a LAN party
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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